so this time of the year always gets me down, it use to be the happiest time of year for me, but as you get older, the importance of christmas just seems to slip away, and to add to it im a boxing day baby, besides watching the cricket my birthday is one big borefest im hoping to change it this year, but hey i probably wont.. it sucks growing older, growing distant from my childhood fuck i had some fun, anyways this weekend, i played golf watched dvds with emma,  went to parramatta and bought left for dead (holyfuck) , and saw madagascar which was ok, i am starting to hate ben stiller fuck he is annoying, this week me chris and rowan are writing, anyways have a merry christmas and be safe xox

I want to find a hidden world so badly....

Check out this cd, holy shit so amazing, lately all thats i have been listening to is  

Rowan taylor, legend or desmond, you decide haha, i reckon the guy is great but is stupid as fuck. haha

  so sick of work ahh, ill update this one day soon i promise.

days have gone by, and it feels like im rotting, under spotlights my pulse is pounding, disgust is flowing through these veins, hearts telling me to put on a brave face,  minds disagreeing saying all kinds of shit, kill destroy love or live in fear, hide away from everything amongst the shadows become a phantom, amongst the shadows become a phantom, its me against the world.

downloaded a heap of camera lense add ons for my iphone, these are helga and fisheye effects haha the app rules.

Over the last 8 years America has been dragged through the dirt, the poor have gotten poorer the rich have gotten richer, natural disasters made worse by human error due to an irresponsible goverment who at times resemembled a group of infants

fuck, lurking other peoples blogs has made me laugh, 18 year old philosophers, taking there lifes to serious, i need to stop lurking, cause reading shit like that angers me, over the last week i have seen body of lies and rock and roller, both movies ruled and you should probably check them out this weekend im going to confession getting drunk and partying.

 why are we all so depressed, why are we all feeling sorry for ourselves. Look around see that your problems in comparison  with others are only minor, why do we get caught up on the smallest of issues and make the biggest deal out of them, life is to short to be so jaded we all need to wake up including me.

Weeekend off, was a mess, trash was fun, i dont want to drink again, so hungover at the moment, good seeing alot of dudes again though and shinto were so heavy, i am going to go and sleep  :(

therapeutic spending, i justify working hard by buying things for myself, so i ended up buying some new nudies cause i couldnt find the wranglers i wanted, anywho my band is up and going, we have a full line up,  a name and some tracks we will be doing a demo late november www.myspace.com/phantomshc

So me and poof aka rowan went shopping today, we both needed new shoes and had the day off, rowans  feet smell like aids and the plague combined, his shoes are hideous,  i bought plain black vans they rule, now i need to go buy some new jeans. anywho parramatta is good wog chicks are better, slurpees are better than wog chicks and iphones are better than everything, anyways above are pictures off my iphone. your moshing.

so i wish i could have this job, drive a nice car, makeout with demonic and cute babes, hunt demons and supernatural things, dean and sam are soooooo good.

 This weekend, will be my first not working in about a month, it has been crazy and i have missed a ton of sweet shows which sucks, but hopefully go and see shinto and with angels vengence on saturday, in other news my new band, finally found a drummer dude rules, jamming next week  demo should follow pretty soon, if you havent already go and buy antagonist and mary jane kellys new cd's out on trial and error records, both fucking rule.

Life has changed so much, from being poor and playing in a band, to working 60 hour weeks and have stupid amounts of money, it feels good not scabbing money off anyone and it feels good to be working alot rather than lazing around being a bum. I dont miss playing in napier either, well its not exactly napier anymore lolz, more like a covers band, my health has improved 200% since i have left and my life actually gained some direction.

watsup ladies.

 Probably going to do a new band soon, sydney is lacking in a huge way, and with no apologies ending things, there needs to be some new bands, me, rowan, steven and lil chris have been writing a demo for a heavily influenced NY hardcore styled band so far its sounding like madball meets old blacklisted, its fast its heavy and bouncy as all fuck, will be fun to write new lyrics, write actual good lyrics this time too, it rules not being rushed and having to meet deadlines.

Flickr account  go and suss... please

Maybe i should party ?? i havent for awhile..

Im learning lessons, my mouth is closed and im taking in everything, older people are wiser i should listen more often, i start my new job on friday, supposidly im not allowed to tune the check out chicks, this was sad news, but ill find a way... haha

to be honest, i rule at call of duty, im probably the best cod 4 player i know, apart from maybe jrock, i have a kill streak of 18 and i have won a free for  all game in 2 minutes and 46 seconds, i have got 83 kills in shipment on domination and my accuracy is an ok 17.86 %.  , today my call of duty has been lagging heaps this makes me upset cause i am on my 3rd prestige and i wanna make 4 before my mike makes 1. Anyways play call of duty or else your lame.

 This week i am working alot, i hate having such a shitty sleeping pattern, by the time i get up the sun has already started to disappear, and then i go to work, which at times can be rather enjoyable, i work with some pretty interesting people, some are legit retards, and some are just really nice people.   Nearly finished reading the watchmen also, the book is great,  took me a while to get into at first but now i dont want it to end,  bought twilight also, hopefully this book lives up to the hype.

Cause you can do better than me, but i cant do better than you.  - death cab for cutie.

Adam aka Satchmo, dude is an actual legend, he should be bottled and sold, he has pumped some sweet babes, and wrote off a ton of shit dudes, rowan dreams of being as good as adam, Adam also has a toupe which he styles and grooms regularly, his catch phrases are "Ventalation" and "Kook", rowan would prob give adam a bj, if adam were gay.

 The days are getting warmer as summer approaches, dusk seems to last longer when the weather is like this, my hours are currently consumed by sorting out my new job, the watchmen and ol blue eyes. I also took some photos on ~tour~ that ill start to post up, i broke my lense so these will be the last for awhile. This weekend supposidly going into the city for rowans party, i am keen to rage rage rage. 

I am seeing things alot more clearer, and im slowly feeling alot better, hopefully my attacks were a once off thing, my stress and anger are dissapearing and im feeling very cotempt with my existance at the moment, thanks to all my friends who have helped me out over the last week 

my mind is so far away from where it should be.. i believe im losing my mind, when i get home things have to change, i cant continue living a life like this, my heart is heavy and i cant shake these feelings, i dont want to leave home right now, but i have no choice, hopefully things are different when i am away.

blog will get interesting soon, tour stories, photos. All i did today was  sort some news out for BGO and packed for tour i always get nervous about going away and i always think the worst,  hopefully things go well and ill come home safely :) i am going to go charge my cameras goodbye

I fear being alone.

I am siked, going on tour with 50 lions leaving thursday and driving to adelaide, i am a little nervous about driving to adelaide, driving anywhere around trucks and shit scares me, and with the added excitement of rogue kangaroos running across the road it should be fun. But in saying that we are leaving early thursday so we can take it slow and get down safe. Moshing everynight to 50 lions wow, so siked.

some days, i just want to close my eyes and wake up somewhere else, i am the result of stress and heartache, but i think im doing pretty well to hold myself together, im lonely even though im surrounded by friends and people that care, i find myself feeling like shit most of the time. Life is hard i get that, but sometimes it unfair, why where we chosen to be put into certain situations, why do i have to deal with so much shit ? ahhh.

Tropic Thunder is great, holy fuck its great, i want to watch this movie again, jack black is so good in this movie his character is a drug addicted actor who's career is going downhill, i wont spoil too much but go and see this movie,  i also saw strangers last night and it scared the shit out of me, good weekend of movies.

This is a band from baltimore in america, called Trapped Under Ice, alot of dudes are hyping this band at the moment, and its justified this band is too tough, Stay Cold & Skeleton Heads are probably the best 2 tracks ive heard from any band this year. Lyrics from Skeleton Heads "i do believe, that every man will pay for his sins, and i pay, and i pay, as you slip through the fucking cracks, so let the pain begin". Buy this cd, its out now on reaper records and online in Australia via Resist Records, check it

Read this graphic novel, from start to finish it had me glued, its alot like the dark knight,

I cant fucking take it.

I have grown up watching people around me make sacrifices for other people.